Nostalgia
by jackwabbit
Summary: Mal/Inara UST, Mal/Wash/Zoë Friendship. Spoilers: Vague ones for the “Those Left Behind” comics, general series knowledge. Summary: Zoë Watches Mal Say Good Bye To Inara. Note: Written For The ff friday Challenge Of ‘Well, That Was Dramatic’.


**Nostalgia**

Rated: PG

Category: Mal/Inara UST, Mal/Wash/Zoë Friendship.  
Spoilers: Vague ones for the "Those Left Behind" comics, general series knowledge.  
Summary: Zoë Watches Mal Say Good Bye To Inara.

Note: Written For The ff_friday Challenge Of 'Well, That Was Dramatic'.

---

I've already said my good-byes, but I can't help but watch as the others go through theirs.

River hugs Inara tightly, then steps away, letting Kaylee into the companion's embrace.

I knew this was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Even though I sometimes have my issues with Inara, she's been a part of this crew since nearly the beginning, and I don't want her leaving.

Now, I'll admit that mostly I don't want her rent money leaving, since it sure was a help putting food on the table, but there's more to it than that.

And that more is Malcolm Reynolds.

Years ago, I would've said that me and him were cut from the same cloth, but I would've been wrong. There's no denying that we're are a lot alike, and the events of our lives have intertwined such that sometimes it's hard to tell where one of us ends and the other begins, but in some ways we're as different as night and day.

Wash slides up next to me as Kaylee finally lets go of her friend. He slides his hand in mine, and the biggest difference between me and Mal hits me with the force of a concussion grenade.

We both left every bit of anything positive in us in Serenity Valley.

Hope, faith, and trust were unnumbered casualties in that battle.

We might've walked out of that valley, but we weren't really alive.

Not where it counts, anyway.

Now, it took me a good long while, and Lord knows it wasn't easy, but I found a bit of life again. He's standing beside me now, giving my hand a supportive squeeze and trying to act like he's fine with this.

Mal, though, he's still looking… still trying to find his way out of that damn valley.

He hasn't figured out that it ain't the valley that holds him down, but himself.

And from the looks of things, he'll be doin it for a long while yet.

Kaylee walks briskly past me and disappears into the ship.

And suddenly they're alone: Mal and Inara.

Two folks I couldn't figure out if I spent my whole life thinkin on them.

He's standing well away from her, looking out over a valley not so unlike the one where we both left nearly more blood than we could spare.

Inara steps toward him, one hand extended.

It takes him a moment, but finally he turns toward her in slow motion.

I see him in profile for a half second, and then he's facing me.

Even at this distance, I see his personal war… his personal hell… I see him rage against it… and then I see him lock it away… again.

For just a moment, it seemed as though he would break his own rule of not letting anything, or anyone, get too close for comfort. I could almost see the words he wanted to say fighting inside him, trying to rip him apart.

But he silenced them, and all he does is mumble one sentence that I can't hope to hear.

Then he turns on his heel and strides to the ship, leaving Inara standing alone. She stands tall and straight and proud, but I don't miss the shudder that runs along her spine as he leaves.

And suddenly a memory comes unbidden. One much older than Serenity Valley. One I didn't know I had.

Movies. When I was a child, I saw a few things called movies. They were very old, and nothing like the vids that bombard you at every space station now.

My mother liked them.

Don't know how she got a hold of them, but I know she loved them.

And the ones she watched, they all had scenes just like this one in them.

She must've had a thing for hopeless romances.

Or something like that.

Because the look on Mal's face, his ramrod posture, clenched fists, and careful avoidance of looking at anyone is something I've seen before. I've also seen Inara's stance, and the way she turns her head, looking over her shoulder in hopes that he'll turn back… well, that's familiar, too.

This whole thing, in fact, is very… what was the word? Dramatic.

As soon as I manage to remember that description, I hear it.

Jayne's come up behind Wash and me.

"Well, that was dramatic," mumbles Jayne, as Mal storms off to his quarters. There's more than a bit of sarcasm in the merc's voice.

I stare at Jayne for a moment in shock, surprised he'd use such a refined word.

But his vocabulary doesn't earn him any compliments today.

It only earns him a sharp kick to the shins by my lovely husband as he joins Mal in storming off. Wash grouses under his breath as he leaves.

"Shut up, Jayne. Just make sure everything's stowed so we can get the hell out of here."

I feel my eyebrows raise at my husband's sudden courage, and Jayne must be surprised, too, because it takes him a moment to respond.

"OW! Dammit, Wash! What'd you do that for?"

Jayne turns to follow Wash to the cockpit, obviously intent on payback.

I clear my throat.

Jayne stops and turns.

I give him my sweetest smile.

"I wouldn't."

"Gorram it, Zoë! He kicked me!"

"Noticed that my own self."

"I oughta kick him back!"

"Like I said, I wouldn't."

I smile bigger.

Jayne curses loudly and storms off to his bunk.

Guess it's just a night for storms.

Come to think of it, it was always rainin in those old movies.

The sky was blue as could be today, but I've got a feeling the rain inside _Serenity_ won't be clearing anytime soon.


End file.
